Andrew Scott is a native of Fredericton, NB. During his time as an active poet, Andrew Scott has taken the time to speak in front of classrooms, judge poetry competitions, and have over 200 hundred writings published worldwide in such publications as The Art of Being Human, Battered Shadows and The Broken Ones.

Andrew Scott has published multiple poetry books, Snake with A Flower, The Phoenix Has Risen, The Path, The Storm Is Coming, Whispers of the Calm, Searching and Letter To You, a novella, Redemption Avenue anda book of photography, Through My Eyes.

A Walk Through Time is Andrew Scott’s second book of photography To contact Andrew, email …andrewscott.scott@gmail.com

The Game

Part I – Here 

It is early morning, having my coffee
combined with my third or fourth cigarette
while sitting quietly on my front steps. 

It is the only time I am alone
in this house of mine. 
Like to believe this time to myself
assists in clearing or arranging my thoughts
however, all it does is confuse them. 

Just a few years ago
I was content and happy.
Waking up in a mental place
That I loved and wanted to be in.
Not the place I am now. 

I sort through how it happened all the time.
Cannot fully wrap my head around
how this place was a place of happiness
that turned into muddy sorrow. 

I know but do not know 
how I got here. 

Part II – Years

In a different home, for years,
I sat like this to get peace.
Incredibly, mentally exhausted. 

I wake before everyone
for a few moments like this
before the roar of the house
starts to shake and explode. 

My mental state takes a hit,
caring for many 
without the help of another. 

Whispers of how I was failing
and not balancing properly
from a partner that felt superior.

Even when they were not around
I heard their words
of how I was not good enough
with the smallest of household jobs. 

I, for some reason, did not have the strength
to properly pack and leave.
Only brief moments of escape. 

Part III – Escape

To my detriment, I have tried to escape,
Sadly, without moving out
and starting over again. 

I always found places to go
for the kids and I
that the other person in the home
would not wish to go. 

The breaks from the whispers,
even if for a few hours,
gave such a break. 

Visited friends and family
almost every weekend
or the kids were taken to events.
Anything to get away from the whispers. 

Part IV – Whispers

I heard the whispers
shortly after our first child was born.
Never a positive word in the air. 

All I heard was what I could not do. 
To them, the house was a disaster
that I could not keep up with. 
After picking up a pile of anything,
there was always another one. 

No matter how hard I worked
during the business day or how much I accomplished,
it was acted as though it was given
to me, not earned. 

The financial books were always balanced
yet we could not afford any extras.
Never knew where it all went.
Sometimes essentials were not afforded. 

Never a positive word.
Piercing whispers is all I heard. 

Part V – Fantasy

I will not lie about it.
There were times I lived
in a fantasy life. 

I would watch others in relationships.
On the surface, they were perfect.
Wanted a small piece of that feeling. 

It seldom happened
however, I would fall into the
arms of another for a brief time. 

Always more than physical,
being cared for mentally
even if only for a moment
gave a little strength
until I walked back into the home. 

Wrong or right it did not matter.
I held onto that little fantasy time. 

Part VI – Breakaway

Took so long to gather the strength
to finally breakaway.
Packed the kids and left
to build our own peaceful home. 

My family was relieved and excited
when we moved into our abode.
It was smaller but ours. 

It was brick-layered.
A piece of me was being fulfilled.
Was told for many years
that I could not do this on my own
and though there was doubts, I was. 

Part VII – Re-Introduction

There were many things
that were making me happy.
A newfound freedom.
A house that was happy. 

Then out of the unexpected.
A Fantasy became a reality.
A strong, love connection
came back into my life.

A person that I shared with 
that I did not feel I deserved
the mess my life offered
so many years before.

The love and support
as soon as our eyes met.
Not one person could deny
the emotions around us.

The feeling in my heart
could not get any fuller. 

Part VIII – Confusion

Each day, my mind was full
of confusing little thoughts. 

I could not believe how
I was being treated.

Anything I said
was being listened to. 
Anything I tried to do
was fully supported. 

Anytime I needed to talk
there was an ear there
that respected what I had to say.
My intelligence or thoughts
were never questioned. 

Frears of life doubt
were attempted to be whisked away
with a gentle touch. 

My thoughts the whole time
were so confusing.
What had I done
to be treated so special?

Part IX – Slowly

It happened so slowly.
I did not see 
until it was too late

After many years of keeping
them out of our new, happy home,
I let them in for a birthday.
The kids were happy
so I let it happen again. 

Each time, they stayed later and later.
On those nights I would like
so my partner in life
would not visit.
Tried not to be deceptive,
wanted to avoid the conflict. 

I will never know 
if that fight was going to happen. 

Part X – The Game

To my partner,
I did not know
what words to say to them. 
I all but disappeared
and I let them think the worse. 

I knew they would never 
confront me in my home
so a scene would be made 
in front of my children.

I avoided all communication,
deleting any questions.
They deserved better in every way.
Cried tears for the first time in years. 

It broke my heart
that I broke theirs.

I know they know what 
the end result was.
I am in the same place I was before.

May I do not deserve happiness?
I know it does not feel like it. 

I ponder this every morning.
Feel so defeated this time.
The smile is gone.
I thought it was over
however, I am back here
playing the game.