Stephen House has won many awards and nominations as a poet, playwright, and actor. He’s had 20 plays produced with many published by Australian Plays Transform. He’s received several international literature residencies from The Australia Council for the Arts, and an Asialink India literature residency. He’s had two chapbooks published by ICOE Press Australia: ‘real and unreal’ poetry and ‘The Ajoona Guest House’ monologue. His next book drops soon. He performs his acclaimed monologues widely. Stephen’s play, ‘Johnny Chico’ ran in Spain for 4 years. 

obsessed seagulls and dogs

the café is under attack

each time diners leave an outdoor table

seagulls flock to food remains

screeching and fighting to land a prize

crazed flapping with snapping beaks 

devouring edible scraps 



at the table next to mine a couple are eating 

waving away gathering seagulls

their dog on a leash is mesmerised by pizza 

whimpering every so often 

licking mouth and drooling

as the couple try to ignore him



a coffee cup from an empty table smashes

shocked people watch manic seagulls 

flying monsters diving on leftovers 

human food lovers  

grabbing whatever morsels they can 

a waiter shoos them away but they return



the dog cannot tolerate no pizza given

in need he barks twice at his owners 

the man stops eating and pulls a piece off 

and feeds it to his dog

the dog gobbles and looks back at the man

knowing he’s succeeded and will get more 



across the square from where i sit with coffee

a girl walks away from a fish and chip shop

with a line of seagulls following 

walking at her speed and watching her intently 

when she sits and opens a wrapped pack

the competition between seagulls begins



the dog barks again 

now the woman at the table feeds him pizza

but the dog’s fixation does not ease

and won’t while there is still pizza 

tension at the table builds

the couple look sheepishly at each other 



seagulls try to get the eating girl’s chips

she claps to scare them but they don’t react

knowing she will soon throw food 

they continue to harass her

she throws a few chips and they win 

erupting in chaotic squawking 



i watch the dog and pizza couple

knowing i shouldn’t but i can’t resist

a brave seagull swoops their table and grabs  

the man shouts as the bird flies off with pizza

their dog jumps up with paws on woman’s lap  

she gives him the bird-pecked pizza



the girl empties left-over chips over the ground

greedy seagulls are in a pecking frenzy

she looks both amused and disgusted

the seagulls finish her chips

and fly back to the fish and chip shop

to follow a man exiting the shop with chips



i look around the beachside square

everywhere seagulls are hassling people eating

many people have a dog with them

lots of the dogs are focussed on human food   

i need to get out of this bizarre square now

food obsessed seagulls and dogs are scary