Andrew Scott

Andrew Scott is a native of Fredericton, NB. During his time as an active poet, Andrew Scott has taken the time to speak in front of classrooms, judge poetry competitions as well as had over 200 hundred writings published worldwide in such publications as The Art of Being Human, Battered Shadows and The Broken Ones.

Andrew Scott has published five poetry books, Snake With A Flower, The Phoenix Has Risen, The Path, The Storm Is Coming and Searching andone book of photography, Through My Eyes.  Whispers Of The Calm is his sixth poetry book.

To contact Andrew, email …andrewscott.scott@gmail.com

The Symbols

Epilogue – Buried Alive

So buried alive in this darkened cave.
Sunlight may make the remainder of me melt,
there is so little left, mentally, physically.
Breathing is so difficult with the weight
of nothing felt right now.

The shame of guiding myself to this place,
to fall prey like a foolish jester,
believing others while not truly listening
to the honest, questioning voices within.

Barely living with my own pride now,
dignity collapsed around me.
In the chamber, the walls echo
with laughing embarrassment.

I could blame others for my fall
but the burden of responsibility is all mine.
Every time the scenes play in my head
they all stumble back to me.
No matter what different trail is attempted
it all ends with how I got here.
Pleading for serenity with what
the future of all of this will become.

Chapter One – The Shape Shifting Gypsy

All I remember is feeling lost.
There had been so much missing in me,
pieces felt like they were decaying,
dying off to never be discovered again.
Battling with the realization
that who I once was would never be found.
Hence the struggle with all of this
and who my mind wanted me to be.

To leave the pain, the dream of fulfillment
had to be chased and captured.
I packed all I had in my travelling pack,
this was next to nothing,
in hopes a new path would heal the old.

The confusion in which direction to take
make my head pulse slowly.
Relief fell over me with the find
of another that would lead
with the promises of a smooth path
to a calm, soothing rainbow.

So willingly I turned my reins over
and I am not sure why.
As a person I question everyone’s intent.
Too much misfortune when, in the past,
I just freely gave people my faith.
This time was so different,
I never listened to the true voice,
watched the true actions of my chaperone.
With that, I paid in full.

There she was in front of me,
adding more puzzles to my eyes.
The lady that made so many promises
was changing under the night’s moon.
Each time a star rose, another metamorphosis
to a creature that was so unfamiliar.

Horrified, shocked, fear and so many more emotions
were flowing through the hairs on my skin.
The change happened so quickly
and before I could move she was gone.
Leaving me on this undefined path
with nothing, not even pride as a blanket.

More confused than ever
I laid there and shook, wondering.
How do I find my way?
I was lost again, more than ever.

Chapter Two – New Castle

Though impending misfortune was reigning over me,
when the tears were drying into my pores,
my eyes spied a battered, burned shelter
of faded brick, half freshly painted
to cover the scribbling of future artists.

When I walked inside I looked up,
spied a ceiling that would keep some of the elements out
while keeping the damp mildew in
that was spider webbing with age and neglect.
Looking around, wall to wall,
I found a room that was closed off.
The perfect place not to be found.

I rolled up my denim jacket,
threw it in the corner and 
lay down to rest this weakened body

It was so darkened 
that I could not even see
what may or may not have been with me,
staring at me, enjoying the lost look on my face
or the tears that were fighting in my eyes.
I did not care.

Chapter Three – Brother

It felt like I had slept for hours
but I was not sure.
There were not any light or dark skies
coming into my closed off corner.

What I could see brought confusion,
a branded symbol on the inside of my forearm.
I squinted my eyes to ensure
what I was seeing was true
and not a tired hallucination.

Rubbing my left fingers over it,
puzzled on how this design 
got branded into the skin of my right forearm.
A knotted looking arrow aiming out.

I did not understand where this came from
or how I did not feel it when the branding appeared.

To slow all the thoughts I focused on home.
The eldest and what he would think of all of this
ran through my now aching head.
When I went to leave on this new journey
he just tapped my shoulder and nodded.
The sign of his approval of this scheme.

I have asked myself if it was
because I was walking an unknown 
beaten road he would not.
I do not think that is it.
Brother is one of the strongest people I know.
In all of the years I have never been 
able to beat him and I have tried many times.

I cannot help but think and know
that he would not be laying here with nothing left. 

Chapter Four – Fire Water

This was not the first time
that I lay in an enclosed cell
and felt that everything had fallen apart.
The days of strongly liking fire water
a little too much landed me in a hard cell.
Funny and odd, my pride was gone
through a different self-infliction back then.

So much time was lost back then
with vanished memories of the day after.
People still ask if I remember them or the events.
In response they get a puzzled, confused look
and fear of what was known
of my actions that were only pieces
of the history I could recollect.

The cuts or broken bones,
those are my lifelong souvenirs,
the scars or bleeding lips of the past
where people did not like 
the stuttered opinions of the intoxicated.

My left eye still gets sore when tired
since healing from an aggressive boot.
Thankfully the bone underneath healed
to just a visible blemish to others to see.

I am starting to feel that 
overcoming that part of my life
was just to prepare me for this déjà vu
so I would finally remember it.

Chapter Five – Sisters

Drips coming from the ceiling 
caught my short attention,
with nothing else to see
in my new burrow
my overworking brain became fixated.

Faces started to exist in forms.
Almost twins were coming 
from the damp mirage.

For some reason I started to think 
how close the water figures
resembled a younger and an older sister.

A younger sister that was the pain 
of my overactive, selfish youth.
A time she still shares stories about
to anyone that will listen.
Nothing out of the typical rivalry.

Out of all of us, she was the most affectionate.
I never could understand that,
it was just our family way, then and now.

We were close until life took us over
and circumstances that we did not see
separated our objectives and beliefs.
Sad actually, as she is strong in whom she is 
and wears it so proudly for everyone.
Much more strength than I may ever have.

The older one, the new matriarch
that has attempted so hard at 
keeping us all together for better and worse.

I still have the notes and cards 
that were sent to me years before.
Trying so hard to get more visits from me.
Sad really, I rarely appeared.

She has done well with her life too.
Concrete flooring under her, always.
Another person that knows what she wants
and has the fight to get it.  True strength.

Deep in talking to myself in my own head
a tickle came from my left forearm,
another knotted design imprinted itself
permanently, an interwoven heart
was playing games with my fragile sanity.
Too tired to even try to figure it out.
Everything was gone,
my mind had to soon follow.

Chapter Six – Locked Up

I curled up in a half fetal position,
rocking to just somewhat stay awake.
keys started to dig into my right thigh,
a painful pinch that only added to the pain
that was going on in other parts of my body.
I did not even attempt to remove them,
to me it just represented a lock I had put there,
an old, rusted seal that could not be broken
and it did not matter who did.

Countless lines of people who wanted to know
the real me, the person when I was alone.
The one who cried at the smallest sweet sign
actually laughed at all things irony
and had an ill temper towards the obvious.
Folks saw none of that, I would just close
the door shut and seal the peepholes.

More and more it runs over me.
The feeling of truly not mattering
always creeps into my soul.

What would they want to truly see?
The person who I am 
or the person I actually embody?
They are both laying here, locked away
where neither of them may be found.

Chapter Seven – Father to Daughter

If my Father saw me here now
laying in a damp pool of self pity
what would he say?

I actually saw the pride in his eyes this time when I left.
The look I had been searching for many times
in the growing of yesteryear’s trail.

We never saw eye to eye on so many paths
in the well worn tunnels of time,
different generations, different ways,
to approach the same wall.

Conflict , fight standing toe to toe
His anger I know was from fear,
watching me and my unpredictability,
living in a way and time that was 
so different from his younger days. 

We have exchanged fists more than once 
but I can say he does love who I am
and with that what was felt is proud too. 

He has the strength to cry in public.
That is inspiring.

He has no idea how much of his teachings
I have attempted to instill in my own child.
Honesty, integrity, hard work, and due paying.
The values in life that should be valued.

My Daughter listening is never expected,
the words could be considered fly by night.
As so many times her own father barely followed them.

Many times the feeling I did give was disappointment.
I can picture her waiting by the phone
for a call that never came for days 
or packed by a door for a visit that was delayed.
I could never feel the heartache that I caused.

Time and again her love for me was unconditional
as was her faith that someday I would grow up
to be the person who she thought I was.

I will always admire how she has handled
the every day changing times with strength
that only comes with knowing who you are.

I do not have the will of either of them it seems
laying here in a heap, not caring if I ever get up. 

Chapter Eight – Mother

My stomach was starting to heave,
it was dry because there was nothing left.
I was not even sure in my dizzy haze
how long I had been trapped within myself.

I was covered in a dark, oily sweat,
preoccupied with a painful, tired headache.
The kind that never seems to go away.

So letting my body absorb the pain,
I did not feel the two new knotted 
imprints that appeared on my forearms,
completing the covering with the other two.
One, a circle with a square inside of it,
the other had multiple hearts
and like the others, all inner locking.
The shock of them did not even take hold.
I just grabbed my painful head
and tried to fall into a sleep
that I hoped that I may never wake from.

To this day, I am not sure 
if it was a dream or an illusion.
My Mother walked through the door
of my darkened shelter.

She was the same as the days before she passed,
hobbling with a cane on bad legs
but you could see the stubbornness
with every painful step she took.

Guilt overwhelmed me.
I should have been there more in her final days.
I knew she was dying for years
yet there was always an excuse not to visit.
So in denial, I barely cried
when I watched her take her last steps.

She sat down beside me to comfort I believe
and reminded me that out of all of the children
my Mother never worried about me surviving
even with all of the unpredictable running I did.

Mom looked at me and said with delicate determination,
“You were always good even in your darkest days.
You just did not know what we saw.
It is time to come home now.”

Prologue – Reborn

An incredible jolt
pushed through my sweaty body.
An electrical shock of awaking
slowly propelling a tired body
and an exhausted, beaten mind.
Broken yet still alive.

A time to cleanse the old
while embracing the pain
that was inflicted throughout.
Using all emotions as a positive
to feel the new horizon opening.

Like a phoenix rising towards the sky,
reenergized with a new perspective,
taking a new path
that may have different cracks
so I will strengthen.

I know I am not truly alone
in the world I travel
even in this hollow, dark room
foregranted family were watching
waiting for the right time 
to show their belief
that I now have in them.

I have clearly seen the symbols,
truely rebuilding frail strength.
With this are wings
to left, spread and soar. 

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