Josh Crummer

Josh Crummer is a poet from Zilwaukee, Michigan. His debut poetry collection, We Are the Raiders, released January 2022. He is currently at work on his second collection, and when he’s not working as a corporate writer by day, he’s teaching college composition at night.

Dinosaurs Won’t Die

They all survived
after the meteor struck – 
all the stegosaurs, tyrannosaurs,
long necks and bone heads
transformed to oil and ossified treasure
before eons of dirt nap.

Fueled by gasoline, 
our magic lamps
weren’t rubbed but pressed by pedals,
then a rumble – a belch of exhaust – 
dinosaur genies invisible but potent
roamed the Earth once more.

As long as you made the correct wish – 
Take us from where we’ve been
to where we’re going – 
they granted unlimited wishes
for slivers of oxygen
stolen from the atmosphere – 
coveting clean air
robbed from them by the cosmos
in their final corporeal moments.

A little more can’t hurt
thought oil barons and drillers alike
as the thunderlizard choir grew above –  
smokestack canopies,
shimmering jungles of pipe and steel
in deserts and fields
like a toxic Arabia overrun.
They forgot who ruled the planet first;
how much a dinosaur eats;
how vengeful its wrath can be
when intruders wander obliviously
on their nesting grounds.

Mort Thinks Day-Old Bagel Prices Are Too High

Kim Crilley always liked men with long hair.
Mike Williams: Pro-liquor by the drink.
Nonita Velez uses birth control pills.
Harry Watson favors gambling. 
Weather: Looking good.

Clara Peller has a beef.
Shelly McGinley wants to leave.
Jenny McCleod wants peace. 
Eric Nelkin bought pizza.
Next: Beating the IRS.

Teresa Holcomb saw a UFO.
Tennie Komar says she knows ghosts.
Mayor Jim Griffin survived Bigfoot.
Donnie Walsh is playing the waiting game.
Still ahead: Dracula.

We are experiencing
technical difficulties –  
Now it’s everyone’s problem.
Don’t go away;
We’ll be right back after these words.

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